


Iced Memories

by GaeilgeRua



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alcohol, Black Widow Bingo, Depression, Drinking, Gen, Insomnia, Loss, Memories, New Year's Eve, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), mcuchristmasexchange2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:35:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28473261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GaeilgeRua/pseuds/GaeilgeRua
Summary: For some, the arrival of the new year brings the promise of new beginnings, but for others, it’s a reminder of what they’ve lost.
Relationships: Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7
Collections: MCU Christmas Exchange





	Iced Memories

**Author's Note:**

  * For [startrekkingaroundasgard](https://archiveofourown.org/users/startrekkingaroundasgard/gifts).



> Written for the MCU Christmas Exchange for Startrekkingaroundasgard. So, my muse saw "Maybe feeling alone at the holidays" in your prompt and rain with it. Literally. I do hope you enjoy this little tale.
> 
> Also written for my Black Widow Bingo square Insomnia.
> 
> I would love to thank Ruquas for running this event, and her willingness to work with all of us. I also want to thank Squarepeg72 and thescarletphoenixx for their assistance with this. If there are any errors after they read it over, they are my own.
> 
> Disclaimer: All non-original characters, plot points, quotes, and information belongs to Disney, and anyone else that may own any part of it. The story plot and dialogue belong to me. I do not write for profit.

In the silence of another holiday season, Natasha sat at the desk of what had become the base of operations for those that had been left behind in the wake of Thanos’s snap. Typically, there would be people popping in and out as she doled out assignments, but not this night. Not in the past week, either.

Everyone was either out on assignment like Carol or at home with their families like Tony. Natasha was the only one at headquarters keeping an eye on things, but she hadn’t heard from any of her contacts in days.

And that set Natasha’s teeth on edge.

She didn’t like this feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop. In fact, she hated it because it made it harder to plan for what was to come. She could improvise when needed, but she still preferred to be as prepared as possible. Natasha also hated sending someone out ill-equipped.

The clinking of shifting ice pulled Natasha from her thoughts. Glancing at the desk, her eyes traveled over the scuffed surface. One of her last bottles of Moskovskaya Osobaya sat on the top of her desk in front of a row of photographs. A freshly poured glass of vodka sat next to the bottle.

She would need to put the bottle back in the freezer soon, but she shifted her stare to the photographs for now. Picking up her glass and taking a sip, she savored the flavors of tart green apples, sweet and cool mint, and just a hint of the telltale licorice flavor of anise.

Refocusing her eyes, Natasha moved her gaze over the images, starting with the image on the far right. Each photograph was of someone they had lost in the snap of Thanos’s fingers.

A series of reminders of why they were doing what they were doing.

From a young Peter Parker grinning back at her to the fathomless stare of Bucky Barnes, everyone was accounted for. She and Rogers made sure of that. They had even included a picture of Natasha’s partner, Clint.

She knew he was alive, but every time they went after him, he was already gone. A trail of bodies left in his wake. Natasha knew he missed his family dearly, he had told her as much when he stormed into her apartment after her return from Wakanda. She had tried to explain to him what had happened, but he was beyond reason then. Natasha knew that she wouldn’t stop in her search for her best friend as she knew that those that had been left behind needed to work together, otherwise, they would never be able to figure out a way to fix what Thanos had done.

That’s why she had been trying to get Tony to come back, but he had a family now when so many families had been torn apart. She couldn’t blame him for wanting to stay with them as he was so afraid of losing both Pepper and little Morgan, but Bruce admitted that his knowledge only went so far.

The chiming of a clock had Natasha glancing up, it was midnight. After the last chime sounded, the room fell silent.

Raising her glass, Natasha allowed her eyes to move from one photograph to the next, she whispered, “We will find a way to bring you all back. I won’t stop until we do.” She tipped her glass towards the photographs. “Happy New Year.”

Bringing the glass to her lips, she tilted her head back and drained the liquid that remained. The cold alcohol filled her mouth before burning another icy path down her throat. Setting her tumbler on the desk, Natasha reached for the bottle. Loosening the cap, she poured two fingers worth before adding another tip of the bottle for good measure. Screwing the lid back on, Natasha stood up and made her way over to the freezer to return the vodka to its resting place for another day.

Returning to her desk, Natasha picked up her drink, and after opening her laptop, she settled into her chair. It might be after midnight, but she was wide awake still, and Natasha knew that she wouldn’t be heading to bed anytime soon. In fact, she hadn’t had a full night’s sleep in years. And ever since the others disappeared, her sleeping had become almost nonexistent.

So she planned to take her time drinking the glass she just poured and reviewing underground forums for any new potential leads. Criminals didn’t stop for the holidays after all, and she had nowhere she needed to be or anyone to see.

Soon Natasha found herself immersed in the world of underground forums. Hours had passed her by unknown to Natasha until the ringing of her cell phone pierced the silence of the room.

Shaking her head, Natasha stared at the phone for a moment before she picked it up and looked at the screen. She didn’t recognize the number, but that didn’t stop Natasha from answering. Especially when she could feel it in her bones that she needed to take the call. Natasha wasn’t one for flights of fancy, but she trusted her gut.

“Hello?” Her voice was rough.

“Hey.”

Her eyes widened. It was only one syllable. One word. But Natasha would recognize that voice anywhere. She sat up. “Clint? Is that really you?”

“It is,” he replied. “How are you doing?”

“How am I doing?” Natasha frowned. “Where are you, Clint?”

“Not important.” Clint’s tone was firm.

Natasha wanted to argue, but this was the first time she had heard from him since he disappeared from her apartment over three years ago.

“I’m…” Natasha sighed, “I’m okay.”

“Good.”

The two fell silent for a few moments. Natasha opened her mouth to ask Clint how he was doing, even though she knew he wouldn’t answer, but Clint talking had her words catching in her throat.

“Stop sending people after me.”

“I—”

Clint cut her off, “Nat, I know you. I also know that Rogers is behind it with you too.”

She gave him one word in response. “Okay.” It was the only response she was willing to offer, and Clint knew that.

“I’ve got to go,” Clint paused before adding, “Happy New Year.”

Natasha’s eyes slipped closed as she replied, “Happy New Year to you too, Clint.”

There was no response, just the click of the line disconnecting.

Bowing her head, Natasha’s hand fell to her lap, and her phone slipped from her grip. Swiping her other hand against her cheek, Natasha brushed away the single tear that slipped down her skin. Pushing to her feet, she made her way back over to the freezer, intent on polishing off the bottle of vodka she had returned to its frozen world only hours earlier.

She had other bottles for that fanciful later date after all.


End file.
